The month's half over and you (well, the few of you that read these) are probably wondering, "What the hell happened to my Daddhism not-so-daily-but-kinda-weekly newsletter?"
This hasn't been the easiest newsletter to write, and it's actually pretty apropos that I've not only struggled to write this, but struggled to send it at all. (Let alone a few weeks late.)
Parents often talk about growing pains. Their child or children are in actual pain because they're growing so quickly. Or, they're struggling to figure out what extracurricular they want to pursue because their interests or changing. Or maybe their kid's just really awkward right now.
Whatever the pain itself is, growing pains are typically associated with kids. It makes sense. Kids grow, physically and mentally, a lot in a short time. But, what about us? You know, the parents, the adults, the guardians, the mentors, the people raising the people. Aren't we growing, too?
For the past month I've felt myself going through growing pains of my own. The hobbies that once brought me comfort suddenly felt like they were detracting from my general wellbeing and happiness. The people I once spent time with to socialize made me feel incredibly alone. Even work was becoming more and more of a struggle.
Some might call that depression. Maybe it was, and is. But, I had an epiphany a couple of weeks back: holy shit, I'm experiencing growing pains.
After telling Valerie this, she showed me a clip of "Everybody Loves Raymond," in which Raymond returns from a night out with his old buddies. He's talking to Debra and realizes he didn't have fun. The same jokes, the same people, the same everything simply wasn't doing it anymore. Debra quips, "You know why you just said you had a bad time doing all those things? Because you've outgrown them. You know I'm right, don't you?"
In the words of Raymond:
"Oh crap, maybe you are."
At first I almost felt a sense of existential dread. For the majority of my life I've had the same couple of hobbies: writing, gaming, and socializing. Gaming had become a drag and I didn't want to talk to anyone. But, without gaming, was I no longer a gamer? And seeing as I didn't want to socialize with the old crew online, was I even social anymore? Simply put: who the hell was I?
The answer is simple: I'm me, but different.
The realization that I'd fallen into a slump of monotony and stagnation was quickly liberating. Now, I've resumed writing fiction, a first in ten years. I've been spending even more quality time with Valerie at night. I've been reading random articles, exploring random creative ideas, and dare I say, enjoying the random bit of gaming here and there more than I ever did when it was simply a habit.
All of this to say—adults, even parents, experience growing pains, too. No human is truly static. We're all in a state of flux: making new friends, losing old ones, finding new hobbies, shedding those that destroy us or cause us to stagnate. It's important we acknowledge these growing pains, lest we find ourselves stuck and unable to be there for our families.
Growing isn't easy, but it's exciting. If you're in a slump or some kind of funk, ask yourself if you're simply "growing up." Many of us have been cooped up inside for more than a year. While that sucks, it's also given us a rare opportunity to do a lot of reflecting. Use that time reflecting to ask yourself if you like who's looking back, or if it's time to do some growing yourself.
I believe in you.
Comments
No posts