I’ve always believed most of life is simply how we react to it. But, in the past this was something I often repeated to myself while swearing under my breath. (Often while dealing with something I’d later view as trivial, like a late night project for school or a freelance piece with a tight deadline.)
Since becoming a parent four years ago, I’ve realized just how much I took this very belief for granted. Life is how we react to things, but few things put that mindset to the test like the trials of raising a child. A difficult test? A tough article? A coworker or boss that’s giving you a tough time? These are all things you can largely rationalize or justify in some way.
A toddler screaming about the light being too bright after they asked for you to turn it on? A four-year-old slamming their face into the couch because you told them to wait a moment? A baby crying over a bath but also crying over the poop you desperately need to wash off their leg? None of these things make much sense to us, adults.
But, we react accordingly. (For the most part.) We sigh, then get to work bathing our child or talking about manners or insisting children don’t headbutt furniture. And most of the time, things work out. Even more importantly during these moments—we’re learning how to better our reactions to life outside of parenting, too.
It’s worth pointing out that there are also plenty of non-parenting moments that present us with these learning opportunities. That previously-mentioned test or freelance piece, while trivial in hindsight, still gave me the chance to learn to react in a productive way. And that flat tire on the way to work or the tough visit with the doctor also offer teaching moments.
Let me paint you a picture. And bear with me, I swear these pieces are all connected.
Our house was built in 1984, and many of the fixtures are leftover from that era. Our tub, while functional as a tub, has really cheap plastic pieces inside the faucet and stem. These pieces wear out every couple of years, resulting in a leak. Did I mention it’s always the hot water?
Usually when this leak occurs we simply hire a plumber. This costs us, sure. But plumbing is notoriously scary to most homeowners, and thus we end up feeling we can’t fix it ourselves. So, alas, plumbers are hired.
Now, while we’re on the topic of water it’s worth pointing out we also get our fair share of rain here in Texas. Every year or two, after a heavy downpour, we’ll find a giant and utterly horrifying roach of sorts has crawled its way into our house. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s only ever one roach—not 100.
This past Tuesday morning I was chipping away at an article. Per the usual, my gears were turning as fast as possible and a mere wrench throw away from falling behind. That wrench manifested as a flashing red light on the router and the notification that our internet was out.
Well, shit.
So, I get up and head toward the living room. I’m no more than a foot down the hallway when what do I hear?
Our tub, leaking harder than ever. And it’s hot, of course.
I continue onward toward the living room. One problem at a time, after all. A step or two into the living room and I smell it—cat poop. Neat.
My nose sniffing away at the air like a bloodhound, I step toward the router. But, before I can even get to the router my eye’s drawn toward the dining room, where the cat bowls are. And then I see it…
On the floor by the cat bowls rests a roach the length of my index finger.
Life is all in how you react to it. I allowed myself the space to swear. Naturally. It’s not everyday you have a borderline biblical disaster consisting of flooding and insects. But, then, I got to work.
Within 20 minutes the roach was taken care of (cut me some slack, it was scary) and the cat smell was uncovered. I really, really need to teach those cats to cover their work in the litterbox.
This left only the tub. Our usual plumbing helpers were too busy to make it out to our house, so that left us one option: fixing it ourselves.
One trip to Home Depot and a couple of YouTube videos later, and we had a tub that no longer leaked.
You might not notice it all the time, but every single day presents us with moments that define us. We don’t live in Hollywood dramas, so these moments are often small, maybe even quiet—the toddler in need of a blanket or the faucet in need of a tune up. No matter how quiet or chaotic, each and every one of these moments presents us with the incredible opportunity to better ourselves, and react in a way that reflects our best selves.
Life is largely in how you react to it, so make that reaction count.